These days I comment, reply, tweet and simply tag people on Facebook when I feel like it. But I wasn’t always like that.
Want to know a little secret?
I was afraid of commenting
When I started blogging, I didn’t comment on other people’s blogs. I was simply too scared. I suddenly felt like I was standing in front of a microphone addressing thousands of people, and on a popular blog, this is exactly what you are doing. Public speaking.
So I blamed fear. Then one day I decided enough was enough, I kicked fear to the side but another obstacle came up: I had nothing to contribute. When I read blogs like Spinsucks, or Grow, as a digital baby, I felt out of my depth.
I guess if you are reading this blog and not leaving a comment you probably feel like I did, wondering if your opinion matters and if you have anything to bring to the conversation.
In short. Yes. You do.
Then I got passed the fear, knew what I wanted to say but still I didn’t comment.
How to feel at home at a blog
I would go on some blogs and feel like I didn’t fit in or that I was interrupting a private conversation between old friends. I didn’t want to jump in and feel I was annoying others.
They all seemed to know each other so well, surely they were happy with each other and didn’t need another voice. Especially when I didn’t always agree with what they were saying.
Am I allowed to say I don’t agree with everything in the post?
All the other commenters seem to love it and they will probably react badly if I don’t comment how great I find the post.
Please disagree. I lived too long in dictatorships to not allow dissent here.
No time to comment
Then as I became more active online, I read more but I also had to make choices, I didn’t have the time to comment on everyone’s blog, I had to make choices.
So perhaps you are at this stage and you simply don’t have the time to comment on every post you read. Is this blog in your reader but you don’t have the time to comment?
So what is your excuse for not commenting here?
I would love to meet you.
Hi I'm a coach who believes life is an adventure, and entrepreneurs need to cultivate an adventure mindset to succeed.
{ 144 comments… read them below or add one }
I simply need to get better about visiting everyone in my reader blog’s. I’ve truly suck at it lately. I’m in the midst of writing my first book, so with that and still updating my post, and promoting… I am so behind on all of my faves! I usually love to commenting though. I have no quirks about it whatsoever. I think it’s the best thing about blogging actually. It allows us to get to know our fellow bloggers and form better relationships with other great writers, as well. Loved this post, John! Thanks for sharing.
OMG, I love commenting. I’m all over the place. I rarely read a post (I’m careful what I read) and don’t have anything to say. Sometimes I’m helpful, thoughtful, funny or I just can’t control my ‘submit’ finger but as a blogger, I love all my commenters, appreciate everyone of them, even the trolls, because they give me a chance to reply, build relationships, complete or deepen my thoughts. Same with my Facebook page which is really coming to life. Takes time though.
Hi Alison,
Love your Warrior Mom brand, it really represents what should aim for.
I love the trolls because they often give me a chance to look at a post differently, they engage in a way that might be harsh sometimes but they bring an outside the echo chambre look at things.
Time, it does take
Commenting isn’t a strategy I used when starting out, so that probably hurt my expansion. You’re right about the analogy of public speaking; it really is about putting yourself out there whatever happens. Probably lots of bloggers are too embarrassed to use Facebook because public speaking is after all, hardest to do in front of your friends and family.
You are right, speaking up in front of people we know is the hardest.
Off to read more about the laughing Buddha.
Hi John,
Other people are spot on in their comments that it takes awhile to get comfortable with putting yourself out there and commenting. I’m interested in becoming an expat, but also don’t feel that I have any experience in sharing since I am not an expat yet
I enjoy reading other expat tips though and have started to blog about my experience researching resources for moving to mexico at expatsinmex.com , I hope you’ll take a look! (and if you don’t comment I won’t hold it against you 
)
Natalie
@expatsinmexico Thanks for this link, great new site, added to my reader
The hardest part about commenting is having something insightful to say. I avoid the “Great post” comment as much as possible though I do leave them from time to time. Instead, I like the witty & intelligent comment that really adds value (still working on that one). I’ve read a few posts for the last few weeks here and figured this is the best post to start with.
Thanks for the great post:-) (Like I said….still working on witty & intelligent
)
@Steve | ROI detector Hi Steve, thanks for stopping by. I am not a comment snob, Great post still makes me happy. The fact that someone takes the time from their busy life to read my post and write a few words means a lot to me. Period.
When I really got involved with blogging I was more the silent type and just stood back in the background watching and learning. If an article is compelling enough, every so often, I ignore the conversations and state what I have to say. Some people are just shy and might feel as if their opinion doesn’t matter, but the more blogs and comments I read, the more I can see how important what you have to say really is.
Nevertheless, I try to focus on how I can add some type of value to my comment that will help the author gauge how I truly felt about his or her post.
Just read your post (although I saw you posted it awhile ago), and I just wanted to say that you hit the nail on the head with some of your comments. Sometimes when I read some of the bigger blogs, I feel like everyone there knows each other and I’m an outsider.
Good thing I’m not one to stand aside! I usually jump right in the conversation if I’ve got something to say. But thanks for writing down that it’s OK to do so!
Hi Jessica, welcome to my blog. We shouldn’t create an environment were people feel they don’t belong.
Yes it’s ok to jump right in
I actually love your post because you force me to comment, and this is something that I am trying to learn how to do in my own blog. Although I try to disagree with you as you asked, unfortunately I can’t because I feel exactly the same way.
I was too once to scared to comment on other blogs.
For me the change began when I started commenting for SEO purposes, and then I realized that people actually come to my blog after reading my comments on other posts. Today I fell that it is a waste of time if I read a post, and I don’t comment on it.
Hi Hezi
Thanks for commenting here and I’m sorry for the late reply. I always reply to comments and I feel bad not replying to yours earlier.
Yes reading and not commenting is a waste of time
I love that I found this post. It is something that I deal with a lot! Well responding to blogs that is. It is funny though, I told our friend Gini, that her blog is one that I never feel comfortable commenting on, it is a long story, but yous I feel at home. I like reading that you dealt with this and moved past it!
Yet another reason you rock John!
I don’t comment since I am just trying to sort this out… that sounds like fear!
First I started with a blog and now that I have some content (and it is being read on long tailed key words) but not with a community… and now I want to build a community but just don’t know how to get out there and do it…
I also think I refrain from disagreeing with people openly in a blog as I am not feeling like an expert… and don’t really have an opinion yet….
Absolutely ‘spot on’ analysis of why people don’t comment. It’s like everything new that you venture into in life, gradually learn the ropes to gain confidence.
I agree, John, that the post itself is the beginning of the conversation. It’s like the appetizer before the meal: it whets the appetite to dig right in and savour and digest and contribute to the dialogue that follows.
And Danny, I love your comment: “We’re all as good as each other, and none of us are better than anyone else. And that’s how it should be.”
The one thing I’m finding: I get so intrigued and absorbed in reading great posts, commenting and “coming back for more”, that my own blog sometimes suffers. I admire those who’ve been able to juggle their writing between their blog, commenting on others blogs, tweeting, facebooking, going back and responding, rinse, lather repeat…quite a feat! I’m juggling as fast as I can:) Cheers! Kaarina
Hi Kaarina,
Yes finding the balance between writing, reading and commenting isn’t easy. I give myself certain block of times for each, otherwise I would be reading all day
I’m pretty late to the blog game, started in January. I started a commenting frenzy because I was told that it was the way to get readers.
It probably worked in the infant stages of blogging, but in all of my commenting I found that the blog circles are pretty set in stone and while you are invited to comment on their blogs its like pulling teeth to get people to comment on yours.
In the end (after 5 months of this) I have a growing readership but I’ve had about 2 or 3 comments (that were not my husband or my mom). It seems that the new kids on the block are ignored despite it being the only advice we’re given. So, I’ve taken my blog back to the drawing board because what worked once no longer works as more businesses use blogs.
I’ll save my comments for any readers that care to share a comment and find other ways to get my face out there. This will officially be my last comment.
Thanks for sharing this – it helps me know I’m heading in the right direction!
Enjoyed this post. Love the idea (and related post) about “digital baby”-hood. Many of my most valuable social media relationships come via “newbies”, whether in the blog world or on Twitter. Helping and advising others often teaches me just as much and prevents me from falling into old bad habits! Leaving comments on blogs also spurs me to make our blog (a “newbie” itself) more comment-worthy.
Hi Kelly,
Absolutely my most rewarding relationships come via ‘digital babies’, we learn so much by helping others. Online the more we give, the more we get.
You have an interesting corporate blog at Charter Homes, giving advice to new home buyers and providing value is what it is all about.
Hey John,
A thing I see fairly often also is there is strength in numbers. It is okay to comment on such-n-such blog because they get a lot of comments. But, if a few or none people are in fear. What if someone sees I’m the only one commenting, etc? I think our comments should be based upon internal factors not external. Did I feel this post? Do I agree? Do I disagree?
Live it LOUD!
Live it loud! This is tat worthy.
What if someone sees I’m the only one commenting- this would be great, the way I see it you get serious exposure
Hi John,
I’m new. Real new. In my 2 month old quest to learn something about blogging and business, I’ve come across your name a few times via BlogcastFM interviews (awesome) and also in the comments on a blog I stumbled on. I did not comment though because it seemed like a close group of friends who didn’t need me to say Hi. The way I’m approaching my enormous learning curve is to allow myself time to figure out who has relevance for me, and who is interesting. I would love to be able to be relevant and interesting for someone else, the way this post was relevant and interesting to me, but I am not yet clear on what I want to say that will be of value to others. Working on it though!
Hi Michele,
also in the comments on a blog I stumbled on. I did not comment though because it seemed like a close group of friends who didn’t need me to say Hi.
This sucks, and I can really understand what it feels like. It took me some time to find a community which I feel comfortable with.
What is your blog adress?
I am not surprised you get 122 comments on this one ! It is hard work to follow each comment yet you answered to everybody in a very personable manner! Great job John.! I usually leave positive comments and refrain to criticize because bloggers are hard workers and use trust as currency ! I am grateful for getting tips or news collected and analysed in a professional way. If I don’t follow all blogs I am interested in because I would receive too much emails but I catch up via Twitter or Facebook. Thank you
I just want to add that when I disagree strongly with what is said in a blog because information are not accurate or poor analysis, I make a post about it. It is rare but I did it on my last post “The Twitter Trap”
Hi Anne,
Thanks, yes it’s hard work but it’s a labor of love and I feel the comments is where the magic really happens. The post is only the beginning of the conversation.
Commenting takes time, for sure but the relationships you develop from these are important.
This is my take on the comment and time issue. Relationships don’t develop overnight, they require work and time but are certainly worth it.
What a great post! It’s not only blogs, but Twitter conversations and any other form of social media, where you are the newbie. It feels like you are the newcomer standing outside the circle of friends, trying to find a way in! First day at a new school kind of feeling sometimes.
It has stopped me posting in the past and I still do get disappointed when lots of people view something I have posted but no one comments. Quite dis-heartening and only increases the self-doubt.
I need to follow your advice and just dive in. Of course the comments need to be thought out, relevant and interesting, but that is another topic all together.
Bonjour Martin,
First day at a new school exactly.
Yes the quantity of comments isn’t really important, the quality is more relevant.
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts on this online world
What a great question to spur discussion, John. You can’t help but leave a comment after reading it. I guess I’ve never been intrepid when it comes to leaving a comment, but there have been a few times when I left a comment wondering if the blogger would laugh at it.
I could see how some people would feel like the commenters were part of a group of friends because you’d see them all commenting on each other’s blog posts. This usually sets me more at ease after reading the exchanges. It’s rare to see them dismiss someone for their comment even if the comment is way off mark. The usual response is an outreach to teach the person, and an overwhelming welcoming approach.
Thanks for the post and the great question.
Hi Brad,
I know how you feel, when I first started my journey in the blog world I wondered many times if I was adding any value. Funny what we think is normal and obvious is often overlooked by others. That’s why I think every comment counts.
Thanks for taking the time to stop and share your experience Brad.
I know exactly what you are saying! Sometimes I feel like by commenting I would be intruding, or barging in, at other times, I would get nervous, because it is like public speaking! But I started to realize that commenting is one of the best things you can do to build up your website. My ‘excuse’ for not commenting here before, is because I have just recently discovered this blog! I found it through other blogs, and as you are a frequent commenter, I would see your name often, and I finally decided to check out your blog!
I am relatively new in the online world, but I have been trying to make my rounds by commenting, mainly for traffic, and to build backlinks. I think it’s working! Thanks for all the great posts!
I enjoy it, there are definitely some home-run’s here. I also like the style of your website (dark purple is my favorite color).
~Pianolessongirl,
Dakota
Hi Dakota,
More than just traffic and backlinks, you get to meet some awesome people by commenting on blogs
Thanks for stopping by and commenting – happy to have you in the community.
I have met some great people commenting on blogs. I sometimes search Twitter looking for new ones to read, and that is how I came across this one.
I have even begun forming relationships with others. I know that when I do get comments on my blog (which is brand new) I feel that it is only polite to thank them for commenting.
Sometimes I think of something really great to say, and get no response and that has been known to bother me at times, but what do I know?
Hi Nancy,
You touch on something very important here. I have written posts which I felt were great and got 0 comments, then I post about a random idea and I get inundated with comments. Does it bother me? Yep it used to, but not anymore.
I believe the blogosphere has some topics which are ‘comment’ friendly and others which perhaps push people into areas of their lives which they prefer not to think too much about.
I try to balance both type of posts. It’s a bit like actors who do Hollywood blockbusters and then smaller budget but very challenging roles.
Hope this answers your query Nancy, my 2 cents.
Came here from Mark’s.. gotta jump back and finish reading. Lots of good thoughts and chatter, many of the same experiences. Loved Jacob’s “commenting only for myself” statement, the operative word being “ONLY” IMHO. I am getting a lot from commenting, reading the post, reading the comments, like Danny said the richness of the interaction, all of that benefits me. So when I do comment, I try to make sure it’s not ONLY for me but offer value to others as well.
One question you asked, about disagreeing with a post. I’ll tell you what I do: I cheat.
I’ll warm up the host w/ what I liked, add to that and build upon it. Then I’ll go into what I don’t, if I must. I keep it professional and try to give examples, specifics and offer suggestions beyond “well that was crap, suck less.” Paul is right about the dissent, it’s hard to keep it professional, not to take it ‘personally but it’s part of it. I don’t always feel compelled to mix it up.. unless it’s one of my silly TV shows, then the gloves come off. FWIW. (Now back to Mark’s post, already in progress.)
Davina, yep its hard to keep it professional because commenting is so personal.
LOL! “that was crap, suck less’, I agree with Paul many time when I feel I should write that I actually just stay silent and navigate to another site.
Silence can also be a real comment right?
Silence, yes; my lack of comment and/or RT can mean something. Or if a post is really lacking, I may give an eyeful of my thoughts.. not critical but certainly expanding and adding to the original post.
You petrified of commenting?
Sorry don’t buy it Griddy!
You make an excellent point about making time for important things, like commenting on posts which have ignited something in you.
This brings up a very interesting point to this conversation, which I really didn’t think about. The time we give to things we enjoy doing and the time we take to give back when someone has shipped some interesting ideas in a post.
I really want to read your post on blog commenting because if anyone does it like a pro, it’s you. Heck one my clients asked me the other what to write in comments. I don’t coach people for blogging so I just told him go read Nitty Griddy and learn from the best.
Looking back I think your blog was one of the first where I started to get a sense of belonging and community. Simply because you welcome everyone the same way. Kitty commented earlier that some blogs are a bit ‘clicky’ and don’t really welcome new readers/commenters, I think our job as bloggers is not just to write a post but also to make readers welcome.
From removing torture instruments like captcha to making sure we give each one a decent reply.
Thanks for your ‘Griddy size’ comment here. They always make my day
I have no excuse whatsoever
!!!
Oh and by the way – YOU and LISA GERBER have been going through my drafts!!! Srini tweeted me last week saying that I should write a guide on how to comment. And I kinda took him up on that – well, between me and myself – and decided to write a post about it. But it seems you and Lisa did a hell of a job as it is, so I’m gonna’ have to step it up big time on mine or just bow out gracefully hehe. What I meant by that is – you kicked-bootie and nicely done!
In all honesty, I was petrified of commenting at first but shhhhh – don’t tell Gini or Danny that lol
.
I still remember the first 2 blogs I ever commented on – ViperChill (Glen Allsopp’s blog) and Techipedia (Tamar Weinberg’s blog). And it wasn’t until I REALLY started blogging – 7 months ago.
I didn’t understand the point of comments. I didn’t get why people felt the need to leave their pennies on a post. But most of all – I think I was a bit scared to say something that wouldn’t be meaningful or add something intelligent to the post – after all – Glen and Tamar are quite the bloggers who to a newbie – they seem to know everything as it is. But I did build the courage – and they replied. That made the difference to me. I realized that my opinion mattered and that people were listening. I didn’t know then about the benefits – and though I may know now – I don’t care! I don’t comment to expose or bring attention to myself or my blog (although it’s a great result regardless) – heck, if that was the case – I wouldn’t use so many words and would go around the blogosphere much faster and much more. I don’t comment for the sake of playing devil’s advocate either. I simply comment because when I read something that half way through has ignited something in me – I need to say it. I’m not embarrassed, I’m not afraid to say something stupid (heck – I’m sure I have many times before). I simply feel the urge to share my views with the author and their audience and hopefully start a small conversation with both.
It’s also not about not having enough time. We can make the time we need. If you have time to read a few posts – you can make time to read one less post but comment on another – if you have something to say that is.
To me – it was simply the fear/confidence factor and the “what’s the point” factor. Then I became a blogger – and I combated the first and understood the second. Do comments take time? Sure they do – especially mine! But if the busiest CEO in the world can find the time – then so can I!
Excellent discussion topic John! I’ll let you know if I do finish that guide of mine
.
Enjoy the rest of the week.
Cheers
Let me just say that it’s only fitting that Ingrid stopped by here John for this post– your first that crossed the century mark in comments– as it clearly wouldn’t have the same feel without her.
Hear, hear Griddy!
Number don’t really matter, it’s the peeps who stop that do.
You and Griddy and all the other great peeps who engage.
Good post. I didn’t comment as in the beginning I didn’t read a lot of other blogs and then it was for all the reasons you mention: no value not feeling part of the crowd. Didn’t feel like I could come up with a witty comment. Still don’t feel like my comments are witty or funny enough. Those seem to stick out…
Now I comment whether you want me to or not! Ha! because it has been so much fun being part of a global online community!
Hi Rajka,
Its not a popularity contest! I don’t think we should try to write the wittiest or the smartest comment.
Glad to see you comment whether I want it or not! You surely don’t need my permission
Happy to see you in the community at Gini’s and Marcus blog.
That was a good article. Your fears for not commenting on others blogs were genuine. You need to be appreciated for overcoming that fear.
When we comment on what others write what we are doing is not just engaging in a discussion with others, but also telling the writer that there is someone to raed what you write. It gives the motivation to continue writing. And it is how blogs survive.
- Ranjith
Ranjith, you make an excellent point.
There are two fears at play, the writer’s that nobody will read what he writes and the commenter who thinks his opinion doesn’t matter.
Perhaps it’s the same fear, just expressing itself differently.
Ranjith, you are right blogs survive with comments.
Darn! It’s 2.45am and I should be sleeping but I had to leave you a comment!
I’m new to blogging too and at first I was a little hesitant. Everyone seems so clicky, they have their own entourages but hey, if you don’t join in then you’ll never join the entourage ; )
Alison, thanks for postponing sleep to come over here and comment.
In a way I don’t think we join an entourage, rather we create our own. But the initial step is the same, we need to take the plunge
Brilliant post! No excuse for not leaving a comment.
When I first started reading blogs, most of the ones I was reading were sort of on the “too cool for school” side — and the bloggers only commented back to the chosen few comments. I thought all blogs were like that.
So glad to learn it’s not that way.
I’ve met some great friends through commenting, and from their comments on my blog.
Hi Kitty,
“Too cool for school”, you are so right, there many of them out there.
I guess it comes down to what kind of atmosphere you want to set up in your blog, also it really comes down to the personality of the author.
I learn so much from comments, actually most of the times, the real value is in the comments not the post
Wow, this is very scary. It’s exactly how I feel.
Everyone always seems to know exactly what they are talking about and i often feel like an outsider watching other people having meaningful conversations. I feel the same way about twitter.
But as Eleanor Roosevelt said “Do something that scares you everyday”. Really the only thing stopping me is fear itself. It sounds so corny and i hate saying it. But it’s true.
Thanks for the inspirational post
Bonjour Annie,
Yep its like walking into a room full of people who know each other.
Glad you like it and yes fear is something that governs most of our actions everyday.
I’m quite impressed at how you managed to be LID with three children, wow!
What’s the secret?
I know exactly what you mean when you say you felt like the commenters already knew each other, seemed happy with each others company, and you didn’t want to intrude.
I used to feel that way too when I first got started.
But everyone starts somewhere. And people only get to that kind of point of comfort by taking the plunge and commenting on each other’s thoughts.
What is great about bloggers is that they love comments. They put ideas out there and want to discuss them. That’s why I really enjoy when someone disagrees with me. It spurs a discussion. And isn’t that what blogging is about?
So if anyone out there is still suffering from the “I don’t fit in” problem, I think the fact that bloggers WANT YOU to comment should put them at ease. They will welcome you with open arms.
Yes blogging is all about spurring discussions. At least that’s what I think.
Thanks for providing these comforting words to peeps new to social media and commenting.
Yep bloggers WANT YOU! Sounds like a great call to action
Commenting is a full time job!!! Especially if you have varied interests!
Sometimes I feel I have nothing more to add to the conversation and fear that I will be repeating what other have already said as I rarely read past the first 3-4 comments … but yes, we all love comments
Yes, want to become social community manager?
You can’t afford me sweetheart
xx
This was a great, honest presentation that I’m sure many can relate to…including myself!
I’ve always seen commenting as a gift to share my opinion, give thanks, and network. At first, I felt a little weird because I thought people were going to be like: “who is this guy calling himself a hustler”. But I figured what the heck – and just gave it a stab.
I found quickly that commenting is a great venue to show aspects of my brand and image. It got me a lot of exposure to other bloggers who I now have solid connections with.
The time has come where simply don’t have time to comment on everyone’s site like I used to. I now have to be more strategic with my time but I still make the rounds…and still cover a pretty large footprint.
I always comment here. Sometimes late – but commenting is my way to show my appreciation and add any piece of value that I can. I always take a learning away from your content so I have to comment and share what I learned and of course give my thank you!
Thank you John – this was call to action is a powerful one.
PEACE
JK, you know same here. When you choose a niche you wonder what people will say online. Offline can be easier that way because you can explain the name. In my case expat life coach.
Now I think all these names help, if you can back them up, like you do and our friend the Sales Lion also does.
I know how much time commenting takes, we are in the same boat. I really really appreciate the fact that you take the time to come here. I know as a family man that with work and kids, time is not a commodity we have tons of.
Thank you for your support JK.
Hi John,
I think we all suffer that feeling of being an unknowledgeable outsider. Commenting can be a very time consuming activity, but if you want to increase your readership (esp. newbies) it’s mandatory. Do a little paradigm shift and remember blog sites need comments and they sincerely welcome your two cents worth. And as with everything practice is the name of the game, It will get easier and as a by product you are developing/refining a valuable social skill (talking with strangers). And for all you introverts (like myself) don’t worry about being a tall poppy
Riley
That paradigm shift can be tough when we start in social media but you are absolutely right.
After a while the time constraints start restricting how many blogs you can comment on.
Riley as an introvert, being a tall poppy can sometimes work to an advantage.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Cheers
John
Hi John,
great to see the responses pour in… I commneted a couple of times on some well known blogs ( and I thought they were pretty intelligent comments:) but when they went unacknowledged I thought why waste my time and energy…
but if the blogger engages with me, I would be more than happy to write what I feel about his/ her post!
Hi 2square1
You are right, many bloggers grow too big to be able to engage with their readers and its a shame.
Glad you took the time to write here today.
Thank you all
, I’m certainly looking forward to the journey!
I think you are in GREAT company with Stuart, I believe what matters in a journey is who we are walking with, not necessarily where we are going.
Hi John, good points on commenting on blogs and getting started with social media. I’m commenting on this post to show I’m not scared.
It was scary at first when I began commenting on blogs, especially when I realized some comments I made I probably could have worded better or shortened. Anyway, I just noticed you have a Facebook page, so I “liked” it while I was here visiting. Well, back to LinkedIn to do some catchup, and great post!
Karen, happy to hear this blog doesn’t scare you
Thanks for the Like and you are right, our endless pursuit of ‘perfection’ sometimes freezes our efforts to do simple things like commenting.
I didn’t mention this one in my post but thank you for pointing it out
It’s funny how often we’ll read a post but not comment, mate. Like you say, some of it can be fear, and that’s understandable. Sometimes (as Mark Harai mentions) it can be time restrictions. And others, it can be pure old laziness.
But the richness that comes from commenting and learning/interacting with others is the greatest motivation to overcome all of these reasons and more.
Note to self – comment on John’s blog more.
Cheers mate, happy to read you more.
Funny but I remember every first comment for each person. I know freakish, because I am usually bad with names.
Yours was the post about bloggers giving diet advice (based on your take of Julien’s dieting post).
AS said above mission accomplished. I think commenting as a traffic strategy sucks, but as a relationship building strategy is awesome. That being said I don’t think you can be the type of person to hit it and quit it expecting to something to come of it. You showed at my blog more than once and I thought to myself “well who is this guy, let me check him out.” Of course I think none us can really top the queen of comments Griddy. She could write a book on the subject and hopefully she will
Srini, yes good question “who is this guy?”
Yep nobody can top Griddy when it comes to comments. But I wanted to look at all the ‘silent’ members of a blog community.
John,
For a long time I didn’t understand the purpose of commenting. I thought it was just a way that people tried to self promote their site to someone’s readers. I thought it was evil. Then I learned about community. Now it all makes sense to me. Even though there are still some people whose purpose for commenting is for a free plug I use it as a means to establish relationships with people all over the world. I never thought of it as public speaking but now that you mention it I am terrified. lol!
Frank- You are right, I didn’t understand commenting either in the beginning. Like most things in life we don’t understand it scared me a little.
Then came the community and I am really happy to have you in mine.
Hey if some want a free plug, why not? As long as they add to the discussion and make smart comments, I have no issue with them plugging their stuff. I don’t see both as being one or the other.
Yeah, that is right – why be so timid and shy when it is obvious we have so much to share and contribute?
It is a little intimidating at first, but posting genuine, realistic comments makes all the difference.
Brendan, welcome mate.
Ah! Sometimes we are the hardest ones to convince we have something to contribute.
Thanks for introducing yourself.
John, it’s so strange how common themes seam to come up at the same time. JackB, also wrote something similar today. And I wrote about a similar aspect of this, just this week. How I have struggled with commenting and the little kick up the butt I was given.
I’ve felt everything you mention here, especially feeling like I was getting in the way of old friends talking, or just out of my depth and likely to make myself sound stupid, and be totally ignored
Sometimes you just have to say what you feel, in the best way you can ( even if you disagree), and let the fact that you took that five minutes out of your day to try and engage, even if you didn;t write a sonnet, be a sincere form of appreciation. Time is precious, so if people use a little of it to engage with you, it’s special. Thanks for making everyone welcome here, that’s awesome : )
Yes it doesn’t need to be sonnet, and as long as it not abusive, I believe disagreeing with a post should happen a lot more than what we read these days. It is normal that most comments on a blog agree with the author, it’s like going to a steak house and asking the patrons who like steak, but there should always be room for dissent.
I know how precious time is and this is why I always make it a point to answer ever comment here, Thanks for stopping by.
Stacey, I just came from your blog and the story of Carole really resonated with me.
Sometimes, John, the post is already hot with, like, 46 comments, and you don’t want to add to the author’s already email-alert-riddled day without something truly worth sharing.
That said, a journalist friend of mine in Canada, within the last hour, kindly charged me to focus on ‘better’ over ‘more.’ I’ve had this post open in a tab for over three hours, now, to be sure I found a few minutes to consider what you had to say and, if possible, add to the discussion. I’m glad it worked out today.
Ciao.
Brian I think your Canadian friend is on to something, better not more.
Thanks for taking the time (wow 3 hrs) and making the step to write your idea here, better not more- this could be a motto….
He sure is, John.
Believe me, I didn’t spend 3hrs camped out on your site (this time), but it’s part of my process.
I’ll usually start my day by continuing conversations blog comments, then jump into the RSS reader. When I find something that speaks to me, I’ll open it in a tab so I can come back to it, read it again, and hopefully leave an intelligent comment.
I enjoy being part of the community here.
Sounds like the start of my day.
Brian I am really happy you enjoy being here, this means a lot to me.
:high-five
I consider it my life’s work to show my gearhead brothers and sisters how they might translate their experiences in the automotive community, the pursuit of high performance machines, to other areas of their lives they wish to improve – the pursuit of high performance lives. What kind of builder would I be if I didn’t practice what I preach?
Holy cow my friend, well it looks like you got what you asked for!! Man, great conversation here and I (as you already know JF) LOVED the topic. I think one of the great keys to being a very successful blogger is learning to ‘bring out the lurkers’. Yes, it can be tough to do, but if you can figure it out, the community and interaction and involvement will go through the rood. As bloggers we must remember this—there is an entire ‘other’ community within your blog—-talk to them too!!
GREAT read John.
Marcus
Bud we need to make these Skype calls more regular. You and I both come out with some great ideas for posts
Yes I think we get into this bubble sometimes and forget that the comments we see are only the tip of the iceberg right?
Thanks for the inspiration Marcus. Couldn’t do it without you.
John, we have bumped into each before in the Twitter stream and I have seen your comments on other blogs. I haven’t had a chance to comment here before. I was showing your blog to a client in the UK the other day and realized that we haven’t officially connected.
I came today because of Mark’s tweet and I do find that sometimes even though I am a blogger and blog regularly, I do not comment as much as I did at one point. Time is a factor and perhaps the introvert in me gets shy and doesn’t think she should comment. Funny, since I actually understand the whole blogging and commenting process now!
Hi Julie,
Great to ‘meet’ you, I have read your comments at Jim Connolly’s blog and always learned something because of the way you approach his posts.
Funny isn’t how we sometimes understand how it works but we just won’t take that step? A bit like me and parachutes
Once you get started though, triage is paramount as time becomes the limiting factor in commenting.
Thanks for taking the time to stop here and introduce yourself
Hey John – time is the killer here for me. With just the blogs we mutually visit on a regular basis, it’s tough to keep up. I desire to support everyone I admire and learn from.
These things are a bit out of my control for the time being, so I just try to support and jump in as many conversations as time allows.
With technology moving as fast as it does, I’m sure there will be a way to duplicate myself in the near future : )
Cheers John!
Mark, time is a tough one. You are absolutely right, I am in the same boat here since we visit the same places in the community.
I can’t wait to find out more about your tech discovery, duplicate people? Let me know when you start opening for funding, I am in!
Now this just blows me away! You’re having the same heavy comments here that I had on the same topic quite some time ago. To this day, my friends and I joke about how a blog topic regarding the lack of blog comments would get the most blog comments. ???
However, I’ve never been the shy one. I will comment not only on blogs but on magazine articles, wherever I have something to say (although I will rarely sign up for a separate username and password just to comment. If all that’s required. I’m not bothering). I do think it’s especially ironic that when people do have a comment regarding an article I’ve written on LinkedIn or elsewhere, they’ll often send me a private message which takes more steps than just commenting RIGHT THERE ON THE BLOG or the article. It still boggles my mind so I’m glad to see I’m in good company.
Feel free to review the comments others left as their reasons for *not* commenting on blogs (?) and I will certainly be informing them of this article via a tweet later this evening.
Hi Patricia, yes its interesting isn’t it? Almost all the people here today have never commented on this blog before.
Sam, just started commenting (it’s her second comment).
You are right about people taking extra time and effort about commenting off site. I regularly get emails and tweets, about a post, which as you point out takes more time and effort to write than just commenting.
I am off to your blog to read your posts about comments.
Cheers Patricia, great to read you.
My blog is only a few months old, so I spend a lot of time reading blogs and learning how to improve myself. Like most of the other commenters, I also was afraid of commenting. But I quickly realized that I don’t just want to learn, I also want to engage with people, and commenting the best way to do that. I set a goal for myself to comment on at least 5 blogs a day, but I usually exceed that on days like today, when there are so many great posts.
Marianne, you built a great platform for your personal brand, your site is really clear and communicates your unique value.
You are right, commenting is a great way to meet new people and learn. What else is there to life?
Thank you so much for the feedback. I really appreciate it.
The greatest way we learn is by engaging with others; and we all learn from each other too, Marianne. Learning much from you.
Thanks John. This is great – I certainly feel like that as I didn’t know where to start. My boyfriend (Stuart) told me to just go for it and write what I was thinking, so here I am writing my 2nd ever blog comment! This has certainly helped me and inspired to just go for it and ‘face the fear’. Take care
Very proud boyfriend right now
I feel honored Sam you wrote your 2nd comment on my blog
Stuart is a great blogger and an inspiration to all in the community.
Woot, go Sam – great blog to share your second comment with, and you have a great “teacher” in your boyfriend too.
John, if I had to comment on every single blog that is in my bookmarks, I wouldn’t have time for anything else.
I comment when I can, but I’ve become a lot more confident in picking and choosing which blogs to comment on. Some blogs I comment on every post. Others, I comment on every other post. And some I comment maybe once a month. But before. I used to feel that I had to comment on EVERY blog I read, and although my traffic got a little boost, the quality of my comments dipped after a few comments.
I guess I got tired. I didn’t want to comment, yet I felt like I had to. Then I realised that many other people comment on their blogs, and if they particularly wanted my comment, they would ASK for it. So then I decided to comment when I could comment, not because I had to.
To date, no-one has asked me to comment on their blog yet!
BTW, my girlfriend left her very first blog comment on my blog yesterday. I’m very proud of her, as this was a huge step for her. I can relate to what you went through John, because I’ve now experienced it first-hand.
Its the ‘trap’ isn’t it, read many blogs, and comment but then where do we find the time?
I only comment when I can bring something half decent to the conversation. I have no interest in writing ‘great post’, it’s a waste of time.
I have scrubbed down my Google reader and kept all the blogs I visit daily.
This post came from looking at analytics, the # of visitors and the # of comments. Something didn’t add up.
Cheers Stuart and congratulate Sam for me, again, I feel very special she commented on my post for her second comment.
Once again, I’m the “different guy”. I started commenting the moment I started visiting other blogs. I never worried about how I sounded, I just went for it. Then again, I’m the guy who takes classes and actually asks questions in class or debates ideas with teachers because I figure I’m paying for it so I might as well get as much out of it as I possibly can. With blogs, I pay for it with my time, so yeah, I comment, always have, always will. lol
And this is what I love about you Mitch, you said it as it and have the guts to have a voice.
“I comment always have, always will” that should be your motto.
John, I’ll see if I can work that into my “think like you’re awesome” motto lol
I am, I fear, the opposite animal. I’m not shy since I forced myself to get over it in 10th grade. I’m not afraid of being “on” in public, since I was an actress and then a singer in sleazy dives for 20 years. And I always have an opinion!
No, I am the other, worse thing. I am the constant commenter, the commentus interruptus, the screechy voice in the lovely choir.
I didn’t really have a comment to make, but as you can see, I’ve forced one, and made quite a figure of myself. I’m just praying I don’t hit “submit.” Ooops—
Paula, your comment made my day. The constant commenter is a rare breed,
Paula, love your style. Great you hit Publish!
Hey John
From a ‘growth’ perspective the annoying thing about the ‘dissenters’ not leaving a comment is that it takes away some of the immediate feedback that is one of the great strengths of the blogging publishing model.
Although – I am being hypocritical. Mostly if I don’t agree with something I read I generally don’t comment. Why? Not sure – but I need to have more confidence in my own voice and opinions. And you can disagree with someone without being disagreeable.
Thanks for helping me see the error of my ways!
Paul
Interesting point, if you don’t agree you leave and let the silence speak for itself.
Absolutely agree that we should disagree with people without being disagreeable. That’s the only we learn new stuff right?
Paul I don’t think you were being hypocritical, but you chose to comment but not saying anything. Thanks for joining in the conversation this time
I was just like you, but decided to just go ahead and start commenting. What’s the worst that can happen?
Now I try to comment whenever I can, and retweet the post at the same time. If I feel like, I may even go crazy and…wait for it…stumble the post as well.
I am out of control!
Paul, it really is like taking a plunge right?
Great to hear you having so much fun online
No excuse. Here I am leaving a comment. Oh, and just to make you happy, I completely disagree with everything you said lol
GOOD!
Hi Lori,
I think we forget sometimes how we change our ‘barriers’. Commenting was one for me not so long ago and I know it still is for many. This is why I shared my experience.
You are absolutely right, once you step in, the blogosphere experience changes and becomes a lot more interesting.
I can’t wait to read your journey to commenting/blogging
everyone has a unique voice….& comment..
Lucky to be You!
Kara, great meeting you. Sounds like you live on a beautiful island and create stunning art.
I would say lucky to be YOU
Exactly, Kara! Just because an opinion is different doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
I can plead guilty to many of the reasons you named. I always try to ‘further’ the conversation, but sometimes it’s just enough to say ‘yes, this really helps, this is good.’ Yes, this really helps, this is good.
Lol! Linda I hear you. Thanks for the kind words
I had to laugh as I read about your process. It’s pretty much the same as mine and I suspect the same as most people’s when it comes to commenting.
By the time I finally got brave enough to comment I as reading so many blogs that I just didn’t have time to read and comment. Now I read fewer blogs and comment more. Not a lot, certainly not on everything I read.
Something that that no one mentioned – captcha and registering – I hate captchas. I’m dyslexic and they really are a challenge. And I hate having to register for a site before I can comment.
Those both stop me from commenting. They aren’t designed for site visitors. There are easier ways to minimize spam comments, especially on a WordPress blog.
Thanks for the article.
Sam
Sam, yes I think it’s a common process.
I have taken the same steps, I don’t do ‘drive-by’ comments. I prefer to have deep relationships with a smaller number of bloggers than many, superficial ones.
I am not saying it’s better but its my choice.
Captcha, should be illegal, its a medieval torture instrument.
You are spot on regarding making blogs, user friendly. How do you find this one?
How did I find it in terms of user friendliness? Definitely user friendly.
How did I end up on your blog? From a tweet – I think by Bob Toomey.
Sam, really interesting concept the win the house in France competition…one question, why aren’t you using Paypal?
It’s not my competition, wish it was. I talked to the people who are running it and apparently Paypal regulations say you can’t use it for lotteries. Even though they explained it isn’t a lottery Paypal wouldn’t allow it.
That’s the same reason that North American credit cards won’t work.
This is a fascinating topic John. I think there is a mix of confidnce, psychology and practicality involved. I wrote abotu this subject aboitu a year ago and recevied some great feedback which I captured in a post about why people don;t comment. I think this is one of the most interesting posts I’ve had with some very depp insights. You and your readers might enjoy it too:
The silent majority: Why people don’t comment on your blog
I love commenting on blogs but my problem is following up on subsequent comments. There does not seem to be a good option out there. Is there a way to subscribe to just follow-up comments to YOUR comment? That would be ideal. Otherwsie you inbox gets filled with reminders, especially on the big blogs.
Any way, great post and thanks for the mention!
Hey Mark,
I will have to dig up your archives. I came from analytics perspective, looking at how many visits/day and how many comments. It didn’t add up.
I use the ReplyMe plugin which sends you an email (like you should be reading now) when someone replies to your comment.
You are right it is not humanly possible (unless you have a team, or a dedicated person) to follow each conversation on all the blogs in our reader.
Love your blog Mark. Although it did take me some time to make the jump !
Hi John
I wrote a similar post a few months ago asking my readers: are you lurking behind the lavender bushes? That got a few of them to come out and give their reasons for lurking. I actually didn’t realise that is what people do until a few had mentioned on my blog that they had been lurking for awhile!
When I startedf blogging and I enjoyed a blog post I just told the blog owner what I got out of the post or if I had a question i would ask it and hope I’d be able to understand the answer.
There are lots of reasons people gave me for why they didn’t comment from being shy, not feeling they had anything to add or time constraints. For me, it has been a great way to get to interact and know more bloggers so I think it is worth the time and effort. Just my 2 cents
Patricia Perth Australia
Hi Patricia,
I avoided the work lurkers because I don’t think it really describes people who don’t comment. It has a scary meaning to it, which doesn’t fit with people who don’t comment.
You are absolutely right Patricia, there are many reasons people don’t comment on blogs. I often think that comments are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to a blog’s readership.
Thanks for you 2 cents, which are much more valuable that that
I feel you on this one. When I first started blogging, tweeting, etc. I never felt like I was “qualified” enough to comment, or that my opinion mattered. The way I got over this was to read the endless comments on big blogs such as The Social Media Examiner and the blogs you mentioned above, and see it was regular everyday people (like me!). It’s nice when you see a community in the comments section of a blog, and you get to know people quite well. Great post!
Hey Samantha,
Yep we are all regular folks. Mark Schaefer wrote recently about how the Media ‘Elite’ treats some blog readers and I agree entirely with him.
Great to meet you Samantha and welcome to the community. The great thing about commenting is that you also expose others to your voice, I am off to Develop Socially.
How are things in BC?
Things in BC are doing fantastic, especially since the beautiful spring sunshine has arrived. Thanks for the reply too. It’s really nice getting to know someone through writing. I hope you enjoyed your time at Develop Socially. We are just starting out and look forward to getting all the tips we can get!
You know the really great thing about blogging, Samantha (and the one I like the best)? We’re all the same as each other. Just because someone has 50,000 subscribers doesn’t mean they’re better than you; just that their blog is more popular (for now).
But we’re all as good as each other, and none of us are better than anyone else. And that’s how it should be.
As John mentions, really great getting to know you, and will have to make BC a road trip soon.
Danny,
I’m going to hold you to that! I’d love for you to come visit Vancouver! And it’s just starting to turn into Spring here too.
I’m learning a lot from you and John from your blogs. It’s great to have such a helping community. And it was great seeing your last video post! I loved hearing your voice and getting to know you that way as well. I’ve just started experimenting with video posts (vlogs as I learned to say) and they are fun!
My concerns: “was I commenting only to benefit myself?” Some blogs I actually stop before I comment and realize I’m only doing it for “spotlighting self”…so got to make sure I got something to share. Also if I don’t know the folks real well, sometimes I hesitate to lay it out on their blog and then if I do…it’s back to that fear if I’m doing it only for self or for actual convo…it’s a vicious cycle.
Thanks for keeping this such a friendly place during the day to stop by…also all the real-life knowledge gained. Rockin’ week, John!
Hey Jacob,
You have been here since day 1 bud, but it’s always an interesting debate isn’t, to comment or not to comment?
I think the tough balance is between deciding am I bringing value or just throwing my name around?
You are right Jacob and thanks for stopping by
Hi Jacob, the fact that you have the presence of mind to be aware of your motives -even with something as seemingly innocent as commenting on a blog, is pretty powerful. This sense of awareness, and willingness to correct areas of our behaviour that are not always honourable- is rather rare. I enjoyed your comment immensely
Stacey
Stacey, Jacob is an A-lister in my book. You can’t find a more genuine and supportive blogger around.
Hi John,,
, well on some of the points you mentioned anyway. I’ve always been pretty comfortable with commenting – I’m a bit chatty that way – even though in the beginning it did often feel like sometimes like I was busting in on a little “clique”.
)
Guilty as charged!
My real challenge has been the time factor. I keep trying to stick to my list of blogs that I like, so I’ll have time to visit them all and comment, but then the list keeps getting longer – and then of course, so does the gap between visits to each one!
I’ve had to get pretty ruthless lately and put a bunch of the ones on my list on a secondary list (only to be looked at when I have extra time…probably sometime in 2015!
Anyway, I’m glad to finally stop lurking here and say hello; so many people that I follow hang out here – I should stop missing all the fun!
Thanks for nudging me out of the shadows – it’s nice to meet you!
Hey Tisha,
Time is a tough one, especially when some bloggers post 2 or 3 times a day, I have no chance to be able to comment every time.
I’m so glad you have stopped ‘lurking’ (hate that word) and said hello.
Welcome to the community
Cheers
John
Thanks for the warm welcome John – I guess ‘lurking’ does sound kind of sinister! I’ll try to find a better sounding word next time I “come out” on someone’s blog!
Lol! Well now that you did ‘come out’, looking forward to learn a lot more from you.
Make it happen Mondays, love the concept.
I think you hit the nail exactly when it comes to me commenting on blogs. Often I actually have somthing to say that sounds reasonable to me, but often when I start writing the comment, I start to doubt myself, and keep thinking that what I wanted to say was’nt all that interresting anyway, so then I back off.
Ronny, doubt is a tough one right? I think we are way too hard on ourselves and judge for others. Who are we to decide what others find interesting or not?
Nice to meet you Ronny
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