Expat 30 Challenge Day 30
You suck.
Everyday we judge and we are judged.
Some of us may think that most of us have no critical minds but I beg to differ.
Social media has made all of us into judges with a voice. When we are upset we say it out loud and it doesn’t matter if you are a multinational launching a new product, a leader in the online world organizing a webinar or simply a newspaper editor.
People will judge you, let you know how they feel and share their frustations or praises with their community.
Are you being judged?
Anyone who worked in the corporate world knows that scapegoating is common practice by upper management. This will push many to find the comfort of anonymity, keep quiet and tow the company line.
As an entrepreneur you will find ’charitable souls’ who will judge your passion and call you out. The critics will always be there.
There is an easy way to silence them. Stop running after your goal. Abandon your habits which bring you closer to your projects.
The critics will go away.
Being judged means you have done something.
Valid critic vs. personal attacks
When we are judged and receive feedback our ego hates it. The little lizard brain runs for cover by promising never to do this again.
Any critic is always a personal attack.
This is the way our lizard brain receives it.
We are wired to live in social tribes and thrive on the positive feedback the community offers us.
This is why it is so hard for us to stop following the rules and go out against the advice of our peers.
Keeping the tribe happy and working towards the same goal helped us evade predators and build cities.
On the other side, maintaining uniformity has never helped individuals grow a career or a business.
Blowing up the current acceptable model will leave you the target of critics, the defenders of the status-quo.
It is painful on many levels but there are no other way for growth.
Are you ready to be judged?
Your assignment for today is simple
- What did you do recently which created others to judge you?
- How did you respond to these critics?
photo credit: h.koppdelaney
Hi I'm a coach who believes life is an adventure, and entrepreneurs need to cultivate an adventure mindset to succeed.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Which is why we must choose very carefully who we surround ourselves with. For example, my business coach greatly influences many of my major decisions. I leverage his experience, but I still need to be careful not to let him impose too much of his vision and personality on my business. It’s a fine balance, but so far I am happy with the results of our work together.
And about the lizard brain – yes, every time he criticizes my work, I feel attacked. But then I think back about it, and that feeling dissipates.
In some way, I think we are always striving for some form of approval and having a harmonious tribe, even if we’re going against the grain – we’ll associate with similar people who are innovative, different,…
Hi Matt,
I think we always underestimate the power of those who surround us.
Associating with people who are innovative and think differently is the way to go
I tell you, on the flip-side, if you are giving solid, thought-out judgement – to a loved one, close colleague, business partner, etc.. it’s not always easy. We want the easy way out I wish all my staff and team did what’s right 100% of the time – but they don’t. If I don’t judge them, then I’m only thinking about myself and not the big picture.
We need to not fear judgement; welcome it. Let it either bring you up or realize what a false judgement sounds like. But for sure, if you are branching out into unchartered territories – judgements are a good indicator of either moving toward failure or success. Is lack of judgement an indicator of stagnation?
Thanks John.
It’s a tough one, as an employer I know it’s never easy. The feedback sandwich doesn’t work that well.
You are right, a lack of judgement and reaction is a stagnation in my book.
Feedback sandwich: is that where you have to go positive, negative, positive? There’s not always time for that. Sometimes the situation requires for a direct shot of judgement and time doesn’t allow for frivolities. The solid person can take the direct “gut punch”, smile and keep trucking. We need to be confident in our own positives that if someone else is not always singing them, it doesn’t bother us.
Good weekend, JF!
John, I’m ready to be judged. Where are the judges? (LOL)
I come from a Nigerian background. Things went well. I’m an only son. I had the opportunity of gaining admission into the university in motherland at age 16 – made a G.P of 4.625 in my first year but then, when I came on long vacation prior to my 2nd year in the university, my life changed after reading John Maxwell’s ‘Talent is Never Enough’ – have you read it?
I started seeking for change and in doing that, I awakened that sleeping giant in me – the talent of writing which I abandoned when I was 12 because the first book I wrote was stolen by the publisher and my money too.
Due to this path I chose – to go back to my dream – it’s not been funny at home but I enjoy every bit of the criticism of why I want to be different from everyone else because I don’t want to be a robotic Chukwuka.
Response to the critics: Explanation or black-out. hehe
Regards,
Chukwuka.
Hi Chukwuka,
I haven’t read John Maxwell but I certainly agree with the title of his book
You are a courageous man for sticking to your dream and putting up with critics.
What is your book about?
Hehe. Man? I’m a boy…lol
The book is about time management i.e. setting a to-do list and sticking with it and I told it through the mouth of a clock and if you’re referring to the one the publisher took away, it was just a novella about crime and revenge-cum-justice.
What I’m learning to focus on is the “how I react” bit. I can’t stop anyone from saying anything negative about me, no matter how unfounded I might think that opinion is. But how I deal with it I CAN control. And if I let that roll off my back, I believe it will stand me in good stead in the long run. It’s not easy, but I’m working at it!
How I deal with it I can control
Bingo! This is the bottom line, we will always be judged (in good or bad) but how we listen to the critics is what matters.
Did I mention it’s great to see you back online and can’t wait to see you kick my butt with your too-early-for-me-bootcamp sessions
It is important to listen to and accept critique but not let it get you down.
Listen to the feedback, see what you can do with it and then put it out of your mind.
Action is what makes the difference, action on what you learn but if that action becomes depression and getting yourself down you won’t do well.
Listening and taking in what is of value is the tough part Daniel, thanks for this.
How is the time management course going?
Hey John,
Thanks a lot for asking, appriciate it!
It has gone very well. We had a lot of people signed up for the early notification list and luckily many chose to join. When we launched officially on the blog and to my regular newsletter another group of people joined.
What was unexpected was the amount of affiliates who jumped at the program! We already have over 20 people promoting it and it only went official this morning
I am looking forward to seeing the future results but so far things feel great.
How is everything going for you?
What are your plans for the future?
We are always going to be judged by people. The question to ask is whether we believe that those judging us are qualified to do so.
If they are our employer it may not matter whether we think they are qualified or not, the situation doesn’t allow for much wiggle room.
But outside of the office, well then you need to decide if their words have substance and merit or not.
Hi Jack,
I think deep down this is the question are they qualified and is their judgement worthy or not?
Good point about inside and outside the office, the mental game doesn’t stop.
I was judged, and felt insulted, for my comment over on Marcus’s site yesterday. Unfortunately, I let it smolder, and went overboard in my response.
Did I overreact? “Whenever there is any doubt – there is no doubt.” I know I did. Lizard brain in full effect. Hasn’t happened in a good, long time.
I’m either part of the solution, part of the problem, or part of the landscape. Gets me thinking about my blog subscriptions – do I want to agree with them all? Am I using RSS as yes-men?
Funk, today.
I just read your comment and Marcus reply on that post. Wow!
I read your point 1 saying “we’re all here to make money” and I saw the argument you were putting forward. Your point on blanket statements is a valid one and as you point out you were the only one who picked it up.
That’s why I saw critics are always personal, our lizard brain doesn’t understand the world of ideas and discussions. We all do it.
Now to your other questions, which I think really interesting. Am I using RSS as yes-men?
That sounds like a post to me Brian and certainly food for thought.
Yeah, John. Throwback to my early forum years.
I’ve been known as “The Hazer” and I’ve been known as “Captain Halfass.” I deserve both monikers. In fact, I wear both labels fondly, as I’ve learned a great deal from both.
Given enough details, I can build an army of Strawmen, drink from the poisoned well, and grill a mean red herring, but what’s the point in that? It’s a fun way to mess with the obvious trolls, but no way to build meaningful relationships.
We take it personal because, to point back to Marcus’s point about online transparency, we’re always filtering ourselves given the ways we would like to be seen in various situations. When we are criticized for something so fundamental to our sense of being, it all takes place in our lizard’s front yard.
The RSS yes-men thought is getting some traction. I need to do some research, but I know I’m not the first person to recognize this. Valeria Maltoni has some insights on the subject and I’m going to revisit some of her posts.
Thanks for you support. Things are looking up.
I got criticized for going “less positive” in my posts. I am not less positive, what is happening is I am blogging about things that matter to me, some of these issues can be scary to others.
As long as there are no personal attacks, I am fine with being judged. I just don’t like being talked to like I am a child.
I think in some way the attacks are always personal, it’s our writing, our thoughts, our ideas.
This reminds me of a manager I knew who used to fire people and say “nothing personal” really?
We can’t please everyone Nancy, and as far as you are concerned you have clearly stepped out there and boldly voiced your opinion on many things.
For this, you will be judged and you are a better person for not stopping and keep writing whatever they might say
I think the worst thing about being judged is when people say nothing. I want them to speak out – I can then enter a debate or get material for my next post.
I don’t mind being called mediocre … I makes me want to work harder.
Ameena,
I saw that comment post on your blog, and I remember feeling stung for you! However, I was inspired by your gracious response! I love what Driggs said about the RSS yes-man. I appreciate positive feedback, but I will ponder longer on critical feedback – like you, it makes me work harder!