This morning I woke up to a destroyed telephone line. Actually the line which runs from my house to the telephone pole. No internet, no land-line. I knew I had emails to answer, and work to do online.
The little voice started to whisper ‘take the day off…’ but then I remembered how success is about doing things when they are hard. We need to be persistent to reach our goals, but sometimes we need to quit.
So when is it all right to quit?
Our conditioning
We are told from an early age that quitting is for losers, if you want to succeed you should keep on going, through the bumps on the road, persist in the face of adversity. All right but why do so many successful entrepreneurs quit?
Entrepreneurs quit
If you don’t think quitting is for you, maybe these awesome expat entrepreneurs will convince you.
- Srinivas Rao, who created the successful BlogcastFM decided to quit his life in the US and move to Costa Rica, selling everything he owned and leaving in one month.
- Michelle Fabio, an attorney in the US, quit her career and moved to her ancestors medieval hilltop village of Balado in Calabria. She is now a freelance writer.
- Lidewij van Wilgen left a great career in advertising to setup her own winery, the Domaine Des Dames.
- Mark Harai, quit his life in the US and moved to Costa Rica, where he could give his family and his health the attention they deserved.
All these great people have quit and made a radical change in their life at one time or another. I could add many more names to this list but my point is that quitting is not the same as failing.
We need to learn the difference between both and recognize when the time is right to quit.
Why not quit?
Because you would have to leave the comfort of the familiar, as crappy as it is and plunge into the unknown. That is scary.
So you keep doing the same useless routine, the same mind numbing work and expect different results. Repeating the same actions and expecting different results has a name, insanity.
Recognize when to quit
Chicago’s PR Queen, Gini Dietrich started her firm by quitting.
And, then one night, I’d had a long day, I was tired of arguing with the creative director about what constituted news, and I’d had a disagreement with a colleague. I was tired. It was raining and really dark. I was in the car with my then fiance, trying not to cry. And he said the magic words: Why don’t you quit?
So the important part is really to understand when to push through pain and exhaustion like Marcus Sheridan or when to quit like Gini Dietrich. This is the crux of the issue, if only we could see into the future and know if our efforts are going to pay out.
I chose to quit when there is no progress. When no matter the effort I am exerting, in which ever direction I am pushing no progress is made whatsoever. Sometimes it is easier to walk around the wall than try to push through it.
A second rule I use is the way I feel and those around me feel about the whole experience. If the work, or the job is destroying my values and my relationships, I will quit.
Your turn
When do you decide it is time to quit?
What has been your experience with quitting?
photo credit: Thomas Hawk
Hi I'm a coach who believes life is an adventure, and entrepreneurs need to cultivate an adventure mindset to succeed.
{ 58 comments… read them below or add one }
Here is my message to everybody,
I am 43 years old with not a great deal of money in the bank, and a car and house to pay for. I have a job which pays me well but requires me to do things which, given my level of experience and skill, I would never have imagined still doing at this age.
Now just in case you think I obviously don’t like doing these things, let me educate everyone (no arrogance intended). Not liking something generally gives a feeling of mild displeasure, much the way that I dislike mint chocolate. It is not a great taste in my mouth but it is not offensive to the point of causing me pain.
On the other hand, what I have to do in my job in the way of continual door to door calling and performance validation leaves me feeling ILL! I have a pit in my stomach every time I go to work, and I see nothing in myself that, in any way, mirrors any of the people in the small business of which I am part.
They live for micromanagement and a target-driven existence, which they convince themselves is healthy despite them all being damagingly aggressive and suspicious.
When I get a phone call or email from work my sense of dread is almost deathly, it is so palpable that I cannot imagine anything more destructive, and I know that my colleagues feel the same.
And yet with the inspiration and pleasure of everyone’s stories on this site, I have just announced my intention to resign to my bosses. Their response was not one of pleasure and yet I can’t work out whether this is because they want to keep me, or whether they just don’t like me and have nothing pleasant left to say.
Suffice it to say my resignation was both professional and courteous.
Now I may get to thinking about my car loan and my mortgage at some point, but at the moment the only feeling I can describe is one of ultimate elation and happiness. Not blind unrealistic happiness, just a reassurance that I have finally done what I should have done a long time ago.
And I already know that I am going, at some point whenever it may be, to become a trainer and motivator in order that I can help others with the achievement of their goals and needs, because if there is one thing that my unhappiness for the last few years has made me realise, it’s the my skills and motivations lie in helping and nurturing others.
I can’t say whether everyone should go out and quit right now because we are all different human beings, however I can say that we are highly unlikely, when lying on our death beds, to say to ourselves, “Gosh, I’m so glad that I continued with that job that made me ill and unhappy, and unfulfilled, and unappreciated, and depressed, and cynical, and frightened, and overweight, and unhealthy, and inactive, and de-motivated, and self- loathing, and unable to make myself see anything positively or hopefully, and incapable of sustaining good relationships with friends and loved ones.
YES! I’m glad all those things have happened to me because at least I paid my car loan off.
GUYS and GIRLS, I look forward to your stories of hope and happiness and feel that we must all give ourselves the chance to experience them. Whatever you’re doing, you’re not living the way that is meant for you.
Like many of you, I’m sure, this is a site that I just happened to stumble upon and how happy I am that I did. Thank you John for providing a forum for us to share our thoughts and actions.
I can’t say that I have done the perfect thing, but I know I have made a start.
If there is one thing I can say it’s that remaining in a job or situation that cripples you at every turn, is surely the real sign that you have QUIT!
NOW, anybody want to buy a car?
I decided to quit my last UK job in April 2011 and move to the USA – personally lack of progress and disagreements over business direction was stifling my creativity – me! i am a doer and not a politician and despite the economic conditions around the world there is no better time to take the decision to quit and make my your own life better – Besides good people are always on the look out for good people.
Hi Alan,
Great for you and I love your energy.
You are right there is no better time, the time is now, we can wait for ever for the ‘right time’ which will never come!
What are your plans now that you are in the US?
Yah, sometimes I’m also frustrating and just want to go home. But I talked to myself, don’t give up. May be it isn’t hard, but I manage to only give myself a day off in weekend.
nice post, John. ..but in order to quit, you first need a better alternative. Easy to say “I quit” with family support or accumulated savings enough. I dare anyone to quit his job -as discouraging as it might be- with no family support, a rent to pay and savings just sufficient to survive 12 months.
“When do you decide it is time to quit?”
When those closest to you are looking at you in that way, because they can see what you don’t or wont!
When that something inside dies that takes the spark out of it, whatever it is.
When dread replaces desire.
When others involved are taking more than they give and it ends up on your emotional bank account as overdrawn
When the view down the road looks like the view behind you down the road.
When new information comes to you that tells of the better and right way ahead.
When there is no play or engagement just work to be done.
These are a few sign posts on the quit this now road.
Billy
Wow, John. Well done here. What Gini said especially stroked a powerful cord in me, and I think that at times you have to quit (you have no other choice) in order to feel fulfilled and happy.
I have seen my share of disappointments and utter failures – but it’s important not to live your life regretting something that has already passed. You have to move forward, plan your future, and think about what you want to do with your life from here on.
And sometimes the thought of quitting something that you’ve been doing or working on for years can be seriously terrifying. During these times, you should call on the support of your friends, family, and loved ones to keep you on track and help you not to lose faith.
I’m a strong believer that, with every dark road, there will always be light just around the corner. You just have to keep plowing on in order to notice it. And if you push forward long enough, you won’t just see the light, but you’ll embrace it – the clouds will disappear, the sun will shine down on you, and you’ll be happy.
Thanks for the motivating read. This post gets a tweet from me.
Christina
Christina,
Amazing isn’t how sometimes even though we are not succeeding, and are just burying ourselves, quitting seems like the hardest route to take?
I love your last line
–If you push forward long enough, you won’t just see the light, but you’ll embrace it–
This is a great reminder to us all. Love your optimism and the light you shine out on us.
Hi John,
“So you keep doing the same useless routine, the same mind numbing work and expect different results.” – very powerful statement and a trap so many people fall into.
Sometimes it’s difficult because how do you determine the difference between quiting and failing? There seems to be a fine line. Many people quit because they are failing and it’s the easier way out than coming up with a different plan. At the same note, many people fail and refuse to quit; whether this is good or not… well that’s another story.
Very inspirational article. Didn’t even know you had this site…. followed it from The Sales Lion. Glad I did.
Made me really stop and think about what actions I’m doing over and over expecting different results. Who knows maybe I’m a bit insane. LOL
All the best!
Hi Michelle,
I think sometimes we don’t give ourselves permission to fail or quit. I think if we don’t get any results, either in life or in business then we are failing and should quit. I don’t think it means abandon it entirely but often as you point out a different approach of the same issue can make a hell of a difference.
Glad you came over, Marcus is an awesome community builder and a great inspiration for any blogger or business owner.
I think we all need a bit of insanity in our lives, nothing really great ever came from sane people.
I draw the line at destructive insanity, when we hurt ourselves or others, but otherwise it’s all that crazy thing called life.
Cheers Michelle
Well Said John!
Quitting does not equal failing. I quit my job here in the ME in 2007 as I was compromising myself and the hippocratic oath I took. It took me 6 months of being in a hell job to finally quit: mid level management men from certain countries yelling at me (kid you not!) for having to wait an hour to see me when they would wait 3 hours at the government hospital, no support from clinic management against these verbally abusive men, having to see 70 patients in 7 1/2 hours couldn’t adequately diagnose let alone talk about prevention, the list was endless. I felt like I was failing my family as by working even another year we would have been far better off. After stopping by my husband’s job one too many times, my husband said: Just quit! What a sigh of relief, so I did. Best thing ever. I remain skeptical of working here clinically again and have rejected several jobs that would ask me to compromise myself.
So know when to quit!
Agree with Gini, failing makes me learn more!
Rajka, having lived and worked in the Gulf I know exactly what you are talking about ‘mid-level management screaming at you!’
It’s amazing that often we dont’ give ourselves the permission to quit until our partner tells us ‘just quit’ right?
John,
Oh how I’ve missed your blog! That sort of week…at any rate, as you can imagine, this one resonates with me for sure. Knowing when to quit is akin to knowing when to say NO and both are hard for me. However, like you, I usually call it quits when the results are just not happening no matter how hard I keep pushing. I also love your Rule #2:
“A second rule I use is the way I feel and those around me feel about the whole experience. If the work, or the job is destroying my values and my relationships, I will quit.”
I need to really tune into that one more often. I sadly lose sight of that when I’m too focused on my own perceived priorities. In essence, it’s the big organic picture that makes our lives tick (Family, friends, clients, business, experience) and if that picture is out of focus, it’s time to change something and that may be ‘to quit’ the whole enchilada or just one element.
Loved this post and loved the links…already hopped onto Mark Harai’s story and got yet another dimension to his life. Thank you!
Hey Erica,
I’m sure you had a blast at the conference, lucky you to get all these great speakers come to town.
Very interesting approach you have about the whole organic picture being out of focus when we refuse to quit a negative situation.
Yep Mark is a great one!
Quiting…what’s that? LOL
ON a serious note – I don’t quit often. BUT- this post has awakened me to something I never really thought about in the context I thought about it…
Is the reason I don’t quit often because I don’t push myself enough? OR – do I over extend myself more than I should on somethings?
The way I see it is that if Joe Shmoe can do it, well so can I. That mentality forces me to go all out. I may fail and fail and fail – but I figure in time I’ll get it…if by nothing else, by exhausting all options.
At some point I have to cut ties…and I really don’t define that it until it becomes clear that I’m waisting my time or that I have lost interest.
Sometimes, even when I feel that progress is minimal, I keep pushing because I believe it’s my effort that will change that. But what I have to pay attention to is the fact that I may not be resourcing myself optimally.
Well, this gives me something to ponder over during my plane ride home. Been out this week on a biz trip.
Great stuff here…this one challenged me.
Thanks John!
Hi JK, yes it’s interesting how we are brought up to never quit. Even when what we are doing doesn’t work.
Sometimes re-directing our efforts is simply what it takes.
Have a safe trip home.
Quit! Quit! I have several “quits” in my life and I believe some “quits” I’ve undergone is reasonable. Oh c’mon I am not a quitter and I should not.. I only quit to some girls I love before. LOL
Thanks for sharing this content! So inspiring.
LOL! Kira your comment made me laugh, really hard, I almost fell off my chair.
Yep some people deserve to be quit, thanks for stopping by Kira and sharing your good humor. It made my day!
Same here, I am happy that my comment made your day. Actually, ’twas really true I don’t pursue courting a girl when from the start, nonsenses blocking our ways.
Hey John,
As a serial quitter, I think you have to be sure you are quitting for the right reasons. Being chronically unhappy certainly qualifies however acting immaturely and quitting because EVERYTHING doesn’t go your way isn’t in your best interest.
Riley
Riley, my friend from the emerald island. I think you make a great point, the reasons for quitting matter. Instand gratification isn’t a good reason, happiness, perhaps?
Hey John, this was interesting, as I really don’t feel like you and I share different opinions at all in regards to work..and quitting.
The theme of this for me is knowing when to say when, especially in business. Knowing when we need to changing direction. Knowing when we’re walking the wrong path. This to me is not really quitting though. Much like Mark H. said, I see it more as adjusting or evolving.
The point of my post is that success is not supposed to be comfortable, because change never is. In the examples you cited here, everyone was making very uncomfortable changes in their life direction, but it wasn’t really quitting per se, more like shifting.
But I guess I’m just playing with semantics…My main point is that you’re right, we’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, and know when to fold ‘em, and whatever decision we make, we need to do it well.
Have a great one brother.
Marcus
Hey Bud, nop you are right we are not at all differing here. I just continued the conversation that your post started, thanks for this!
Hey now you are mentioning some of my greats, Kenny with know when to hold’em and know when to fold’em. I think in life and in business it boils down to that.
Thanks for this brother and looking forward to finishing the chat we had today.
Hi John, For me, I have a bit of a different perspective to share.
Everyday is a day of progress for your life… Regardless if things are going great or horrible, growing or dying – there is a season for all things. They season us, temper us and shape us into the person we were born to be.
Life is a journey of growing and discovering who you are, what your purpose is and fulfilling it.
The only way to quit that process is to die.
Other than that, there are many adjustments along the way — disappointments, setbacks, challenges and just about everything doesn’t go as we plan or envision, but nonetheless, every hour that passes, you know more, understand more and more capable than at any point in your life.
Progress is happening in your life whether you see it, believe it or not…
So then, the only thing left to do is stop tripping about life and start living, loving and experiencing the awesomeness of the journey. There are so many who sleep walk through life or just let their circumstances tear them out of the frame.
It’s all good. You’re right where you’re suppose to be and when you’re not suppose to be there, you won’t be – and there is nothing you can do about it.
You’re not quitting, you’re just evolving… and becoming.
Mark, as always you are my mentor in this crazy social media jungle.
This is tatt worthy, you’re not quitting, you’re just evolving and becoming.
I look forward to meet you IRL in NY next month my friend
John,
Great question. I quit when I see no progress after I have consistently put in the maximum effort.
I will be honest quitting to me is extremely difficult because of how I was conditioned as a child. I have a hard time accepting that something “can’t” be done and I try over and over again, failure after failure to revive something that may be dead. It all boils down to the appropriate use of time and if what you are working for has a purpose that exceeds selfish ambition.
John you provided some great food for thought and I enjoyed the unique perspective about quitting. Quitting isn’t failure it is about appropriately finding what works for you. Thanks.
Even failure isn’t bad, it teaches also what doesn’t work for us.
Frank thanks for your thoughts here, you always talk from the heart and share candidly.
You are right, we are brought to refuse quitting which often makes it hard for us to leave situations which don’t bring us anything good.
I agree completely with the sentiments in this post John. Who said quitting was bad? Who said failure was bad?
Imagine this scenario. You’re riding an elevator lift up to the 24th floor. About 11 floors up, you realise that you don’t want to go to the 24th floor anymore, what you really want is on the 12th floor. At this point, do you then get off at the 12th floor, or do you continue riding the lift up to the 24th floor because that was your original plan?
In this instance, not getting to the 24th floor would count as both ‘quitting’ and ‘failing’. What would you do John?
Well I don’t like elevators so I try to avoid them, as much as I can.
The tough question is when do you decide the 24th floor isn’t worth it anymore?
Lol, fair enough!
I don’t think you really decide for your heart. I think it decides for itself and then you realise your heart has changed. We can control our head, all the thoughts, beliefs and emotions inside, but not our hearts.
Our hearts are directly connected to our subconscious, which knows more about us and what’s best for us, than our conscious. If my heart suddenly decides one morning to change my career, I’ll listen to it, and then make steps to change
Great words my friend, listening to our hearts…
Well, I have to say that I didn’t see you going in that direction based on the title. Very creative, and there’s nothing one could say against that type of thinking. In a way, I quit the every day, 9-5 routine almost 10 years ago myself to try other things. At least I haven’t quit that quite yet.
Mitch, yes this isn’t another post about don’t quit, put your head down and keep going for it.
Quitting the stuff which doesn’t help us grow, is good. Sounds like you did the right move as you haven’t quit that yet?
For me personally, I’ve had to be careful about “what makes me happy”. My “what makes me happy” gauge is subject to change, subject to moods, subject to various factors. Sometimes hard to trust what’s going on in the inside because I’m highly subject to error. I have a hard time knowing when to quit an am glad for it. Otherwise, I would have quit my current job, company and country of residence a long time ago. I’m glad I didn’t.
Definitely agree if there is a lack of results or for health, family and the important things in life we need to weigh this all together. But I think as people we’re meant to go through trials and tribulations that are not necessarily comfortable or pleasant, but we’ll come out “refined” in the end and glad we did it. Once again, good way to make us all think, brother John.
Yes Jacob, we need to go through the tough stuff to understand what is worth it and it isn’t.
I am still trying to feel ‘refined’ as I fight to get my internet line back
I knew when it was time to quit when I could no longer stand ground-hog day and no I don’t mean the movie. That was in the UK back in 2002. I now live on a Greek Island and I’m playing at being an entrepreneur and enjoying every minute of it
Hi Alison,
Well who can argue with the Greek Islands?
Yes quitting a horrible job is the best thing ever. Yes it is giving up, giving up on getting abused at work, or abusing ourselves by not living up to what we could truly be.
Dino is right if it doesn’t make us happy, quit, give up on misery
Knowing when to quit is important and, is at times, incredibly hard to do. Timing is often crucial. it can be excruciating but, if you are lucky, exhilarating!
Quitting my job was the best thing I ever did (thanks for making me realise that!) but my timing was critical – I walked away at the right time. I doubled my income by going solo and learned so much from doing it when I did.
Some see quitting as giving up – I don’t think they are the same thing – what do you think?
John!
You and Marcus are vibin’ this week – different ends of the spectrum but similar takeaways.
I must say I’m firm believer in “smart” quitting. I used to call myself a serial-quitter. It was a joke, but deep down I really felt bad about myself for quitting things.
Then, I read The Dip by Seth Godin. I swear I was running around singing a Hallelujah course because Godin’s argument was my exact reasoning. I intuitively knew when to quit things, and as a result I’ve made more progress and wasted less time.
I think the key is just knowing WHEN to quit – for you it may be no progress, for others it may be no joy, and others still when there is too much pain. Whatever it may be, I think understanding your threshold for whatever you’re pursuing will be essential to know when you should stop.
Great thoughts here…as always…SMARTY!
Hey Marlee,
Serial quitters are the smart ones, they quit before they loose right?
I never read the Dip but I know Seth mentions quiting a lot in his talks, I have watched almost all his talks online.
You mention intuition and I think our ‘gut’ has a big role to play in knowing when to quit. There is no formula, this isn’t an exact science but sometimes deep down we know it. So cheers to you for being in tune with your intuition and letting them steer your life instead of often disastrous logical reasons.
Funny everytime I read your posts or comments I put on my Manchee accent !
Also…I think its important to know what to quit. At least in retrospect, all these people quit the right things. And what things do they have in common?
They all quit things that weren’t making them happy. Sounds kinda lame to say it like that…but it aint a bad rule to follow…if its not making me happy…I quit. (and happy in this context could mean engaged, satisfied, proud, content even, or any number of other things that have a generative and affirming effect on out lives)
Dino, the man, in da house.
Yep I agree they quit things that didn’t make them happy. You are very right in defining ‘happy’, instant gratification is not happiness.
Sometimes we need to do some hard, unpleasant things in order to be happy. But yes to Dino, you just took the essence of the post in a few words.
weird…I’ve been following Dino around today it seems. Finding his comments all over the ol’ BLogosphere.
Dino’s onto something there – quitting things that don’t make you happy. Joseph Campbell is well known for saying: Follow Your Bliss. If you know what your bliss is, then you should quit anything that gets in the way of following it. And you should NEver quit trying to follow it.
It’s that simple IMO.
And a quote for those times when we fail at something….failure is merely a cul-de-sac on the route to success.
Paul
Dino doesn’t sleep, the man is a machine, he comments, blogs, runs triberr, and is on Twitter 24/7. I need to find out how he does it.
You are right, follow our bliss. As long as we know what our bliss is to start with.
Excellent post, very timely. There’s something very freeing about quitting (when it’s right, as Jim points out), yet making the decision to do so can be sooo hard. And Gini’s points remind me of my favorite Michael Jordan quote:
‘I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.’
Hi Linda, yep Michael Jordan is a success only because he missed and failed very often.
Adventures in Expatland, I’m off to your site.
This is probably my favourite of your posts, John..
Quitting is odd: Sometimes it takes balls, other times it’s the easy way out.
Here’s what my mentor told me when I was 21, which I have shared with many people ever since:
“Jim, don’t do it because it’s easy….do it because you believe it’s right!”
Thanks for a great post, sir.
Jim, thank you for the kind words Sir. If you need help with mowing the grass next weekend, you can count on me
You are right, sometime quitting is the tough road out, not the easy one.
John ,
One story you might not know about my experience with quitting is the one where I walked away from a job after two weeks despite a 6 month job search. The world I’m today would be very different if I hadn’t quit that job. People thought I was out of my mind considering I had been searching for 6 months. But quitting was the catalyst for many great things like BlogcastfM
Hi Srinivas,
I am really looking forward to meet you IRL next month and feel inspired
And I would also argue that failing is OK, too. That’s when we learn the most. From October 2008-December 2009, I failed. Miserably. It was really hard to get out of bed most days. I wanted to stay curled in the fetal position and watch chick flicks until I was tired of myself. But I didn’t. I made hard decisions. I had people really angry at me. But we survived the recession and have innovated in a way the PR industry has never seen. Failing = getting yourself up and going again. And so does quitting. Big time.
Umm so 2009 was a great year for many of us
Thanks for sharing Gini, and showing us how to succeed. Yep failure is part of the journey.
Now where is my remote?
Did you get the lines fixed? I got to the office this morning and we don’t have water. Must be one of those days. My advantage? I don’t have to fix it myself.
Stealing internet
So far broken chair, and Paypal send me a message saying I am laundering money !!! Shuuuuh
Crap! How’d they find out?!
Apparently an anonymous email from a PR firm in Chicago…who would do that?
It was Lisa!
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